i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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