I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
