By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
