I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
