i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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