guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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