I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
