To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
