If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
