Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
