Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
