she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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