Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My penis needs a shock collar
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
