SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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