apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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