Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
