this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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