omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
