Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
