Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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