I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
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I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
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Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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