I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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