I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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