real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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