I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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