o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
