there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
