She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
