no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
