You made me cry and you don't even care
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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