you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
