Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
