if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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