Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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