I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
