The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
