you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
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I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I need a burrito and a hug.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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