arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
