I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
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Mom said you looked used
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
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They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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