im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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