You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
