I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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