I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
