My hand turned me down
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
