I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
