So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
im six kinds of drunk right now
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
