if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
