"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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