so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
