I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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