dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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