Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
