I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
my poor anus
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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