somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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