I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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