There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
