When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
