Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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