She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
