He asked me if I "almost moaned"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
