I just pynch a tree in the face
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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