Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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