Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize