Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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