she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
