I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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