I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize