forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
