Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
