to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
His hands were made for my vagina.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
