My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
