you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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