puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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