the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
