i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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