I bet he comes in French.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
